Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Flying Spaghetti Monsterism
It appears the Kansas School Board has been petitioned to include an alternative theory of origins in its science classes:
Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

The ramifications of this are numerous. The author notes that the Flying Spaghetti Monster gets pretty ticked when we don't dress up Pirates. He says,
You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.

Furthermore, Mr. Humbug notes a more drastic and serious consequence of this:
Consider the severe drop in pirates since 1980 on Mr. Henderson's graph. Where are all the people in their magnificent full pirate regalia? They are ashamed, and have lost their faith.

Is it a coincidence that the last time the Pittsburgh Pirates won a World Series was 1979? Is it a coincidence that the Pirates have not even had a winning season in over a decade?

The Pittsburgh Pirates have a shiny new stadium, probably the most beautiful park in all the land, and people are staying away in droves, because the team stinks.

Then consider this: is it a coincidence that the General Manager in charge of this awful team is named "Dave Littlefield"? It's the most transparent name in any religion since "Darth Sidious".

I still wonder why Mr. Henderson from Oregon is so concerned about the science curriculum all the way in Kansas.

posted by Peter at 2:57 PM
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