Monday, August 30, 2004
Slept in till about 10, so skipped "church shopping" this week. Sinner. Spent some time with the prayer book and assesed the unpacking situation. I have no idea when Roommate will arrive--my deadline to make the room look like just one person moved in and not four. I learn from RA that Roommate's a commuter, which means he'll only be staying here a couple nights a week. This only adds to the mystery. Is he an old seasoned minister? Is he a young guy, getting on with his life already?

RA is a small guy, dark complexion, hair close-cropped and greased down. I find out later his family are first-generation immigrants from Sicily, and he's an ex-Marine. Now, I haven't discussed this with him, so maybe it's all a front for the RA image. If that's so, it's a good front. Maybe I should start some rumors about that jail time I served. Anyway, his eyes are large and round in proportion to the rest of his head, so they look like they could pop out of their sockets if you clocked him on the back of the head hard enough. You didn't hear that from me, though. Just in case he is a Marine.

Furniture had to be rearranged to accomodate the electrical sockets. I discovered two more, and I think I've found an arrangment I'm satisfied with. Made a run to Wal-Mart in Nicholasville for some storage supplies and a new modulater for the DVD player, as appararently rodents chewed through the wiring of the old one. Nicholasville is a shade bigger than Wilmore and closer in proximity than Lexington. It has a Wal-Mart and Sonic, and quite frankly, who could ask for more?

There's so much of Nouwen's Wounded Healer that just reaches out and grabs me. Was reading the second and third parts last night: "Ministry for a Rootless Generation" and "Ministry to a Hopeless Man"--things I could read over and over, turn over again and again a hundred times and never absorb it all. One thing he discusses as necessary for the modern (i.e., 1970) Christian leader is articulation:

"The man who can articulate the movements of his inner life, who can give names to his varied experiences, need no longer be a victim of himself, but is able slowly and consistently to remove the obstables that prevent the spirit from entering."

This speaks so much to my need to journal and articulate this seminary experience, to give words and names to all these impressions and feelings about why I'm here, where I've been and where I'm going. I know without a doubt that I'm here less for a degree and much more about something God wants to shape and fashion inside of me.

I'm loving the final verse of Psalm 138. There's the unshakable proclamation of faith: "YHWH will fulfill his purpose for me." It is God, not me, who fulfills my purpose. Then, the statement of praise: "Your love, YHWH, endures forever." And, then it's capped by this pitiful plea, a beggar's humble cry, tinged all over with doubt: "Don't abandon the works of your hands."

In other words, "Hey, wait a minute! You're not finished with me. I'm not complete. There must be something more. Don't forget me! Please! Please!"

I want to read the desparation in the psalmist, but is it true? I want to see the juxtaposition, the tension, of faith and doubt. The Father will fulfill his purpose.

[Aside:] You will, won't you, Father?

I believe. Help me with my unbelief.

posted by Peter at 2:05 PM
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