Thursday, July 07, 2005
Open Hand
Narrator: I had it all. I had a stereo that was very decent, a wardrobe that was getting very respectable. I was close to being complete.
Tyler Durden: Shit man, now it's all gone.
Fight Club
__________

I had the perfect job. For the last year I've worked satelitte, part-time proofreading. The perfect school-job. I made my own hours. The pay was very good.

Stewardship has been on my brain lately. I don't really know why. Last week, I pasted 10 monastic vows on my door. At the top of the list is "Simplicity: A frugal and focused life." It's such a pretty thought.

I lost my job today.

Corporate investors. Sales down. Bottom line. Budget cuts. Part-timers are to be phased out by mid-July.

I'd be lying if I said that didn't freak me out.

It's the thing I'm sick to death of thinking about now. But it's the one thing I can't stop thinking about. My mind keeps trying to play out fifteen scenarios all at once.

I know that God is bigger. I know this news doesn't shock the Big Guy. I know Who my source is. Still, that doesn't take away the sting of disappointment. It doesn't make the letting go any easier. I've held this job for nearly two years, and it's the first where I truly loved what I did and the people I worked with. I'll miss that. A lot. I didn't plan on staying there forever, but I couldn't have asked for a better situation during school.

Now it's gone. We never hold anything forever. I've had to learn lessons of open-handedness before, and it seems whatever it is--people, jobs, stuff--letting it go just doesn't seem natural.

I don't want to let go.

And now simplicity becomes more than just a pretty thought.

posted by Peter at 12:33 AM
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