Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Deathly
Today I had about the most emotionally exhausting conversation I've had in some time. I had been connected through various avenues with a young man whose story parallels my own in some ways. It's still surreal for me to pause and remember where I was a year ago and then take in these situations around me. I must say, I have the utmost respect for counselors of all stripes - those who regularly bear the burdens, pain and brokenness every day. I salute you.

I was discussing this process of my story just last week with a friend. I hadn't preplanned it. I haven't thought about it extensively. It just sort of came out: How empowering it can be to come to terms with one's own brokenness, to wear it comfortably like a suit. Not to exploit one's pain, but rather to simply be honest with it. When my greatest fear may have been to be broken, admitting that I am broken beyond my own fixing changes everything. Everything.

I don't know I feel about standing in a room amongst faces more familiar to me by their online personas than their flesh and blood faces. Sunday was a party for Kyle as we prayed him off to the land of higher learning, also known as Oxford. Monday we celebrated Alan's birthday at his new house. The council of northern bishops was in attendance (Klinefelter, Marshall, Rains and Bean). The Sherwoods. The Matthews. The VBCC family. Much food and merriment. At one point, Kyle's episcopal sock puppets (believe it) found themselves upon the feet of a mini-Matthews. "Does anyone have a rapport with the child?" he asks me, the panic brimming in his eyes. I'll never underestimate the presence of good friends.

Speaking of friends, a band of seminarians watched Magnolia and talked it through together. The idea was thrown out that the frogs represented the impossibly possible and its parallel to the theme of forgiveness in the film. Good stuff.

Prior to the viewing there had been some talk regarding the phenomenon of Jesus-Is-My-Boyfriend praise music. I have to say, that if there ever was a legit Jesus-Is-My-Boyfriend song, it would have to be "Deathly" by Aimee Mann, which appears both on the Magnolia soundtrack and Bachelor No. 2. It provides the emotional crux of the film, and I see in it the character of Claudia from the film, who to me is a picture of unfaithful Israel as portrayed in the OT prophets.

Now that I’ve met you
Would you object to
Never seeing each other again
Cause I can’t afford to
Climb aboard you
No one’s got that much ego to spend

So don’t work your stuff
Because I’ve got troubles enough
No, don’t pick on me
When one act of kindness could be
Deathly
Deathly
Definitely

Cause I’m just a problem
For you to solve and
Watch dissolve in the heat of your charm
But what will you do when
You run it through and
You can’t get me back on the farm

So don’t work your stuff
Because I’ve got troubles enough
No, don’t pick on me
When one act of kindness could be
Deathly
Deathly
Definitely

You’re on your honor
Cause I’m a goner
And you haven’t even begun
So do me a favor
If I should waver
Be my savior
And get out the gun

Just don’t work your stuff
Because I’ve got troubles enough
No, don’t pick on me
When one act of kindness could be
Deathly
Deathly
Definitely

posted by Peter at 12:30 AM
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